Horizon Beyond Self Blaming

"Ugh, Why Can't I Do Better?!"

First of all, apologies for the delay in the posting that was supposedly scheduled for last Friday.

I found myself stating to myself:

"I should have completed my blog last week Friday!”

“Why didn’t I did it earlier?!”

“When so many people out there is disciplined, I should be doing the same!"

Last time, we talked about those who instinctively blame others when things go wrong.

And today, we will look at the other side of the spectrum - those who excessively blame themselves when things do not go the way they hoped for.

In short, overthinking and self blaming.

(Exactly how I was thinking to myself when I delayed my blog posting, in other words we are susceptible to self blaming even when we consistently work on ourselves.)

I thought to myself, remember that blaming is an act that our mind is going through to comprehend what is currently happening.

It's a cognitive dance our minds engage in to grapple with life's complexities.

We interpret situations through the lens of our experiences, upbringing, and the stories we tell ourselves.

Imagine being caught in a past or present environment where blame is a constant guest. Gradually, it becomes easier to accept blame as your permanent companion.

This internalized blame drags along its dear friend, shame.

And suddenly, it's as if all things good are brushed aside, while anything amiss points back at us.

We find ways to shame ourselves and further reinforce the idea that we are the reason for everything bad that has happened.

Some of us may even start waiting for when things would go wrong and associate it to our own doings.

With this tendency to shame ourselves we may start to feel helpless to make changes.

In the long run, when we continuously blame and feel ashamed of ourselves, we start to believe the only truth is that we are always at fault.

The Paradox of Empowerment Through Self-Blame

We try to blame ourselves so that we could discipline ourselves.

To make ourselves start taking steps towards change.

Shaming ourselves to feel a sense of dissatisfaction of our current state to make changes upon.

However, the barrage of self-blame isn't self-protection; it's a paradox.

As we craft our armor of shame, we inadvertently weaken our ability to grow.

The more we push ourselves down, the harder it becomes to rise and effect change. And there's more to it.

The blame we attribute to ourselves for tasks undone or paths untaken leads to procrastination and isolation.

We retreat, hiding from others' gazes, afraid they'll see our self-imposed flaws.

Afraid that they would see who we “truly are" even when we have a lot of good things going on for us.

Enter "The Weird Response Ability."

Oddly, self-blame isn't the culprit; it's the shame that rides shotgun.

It's the idea that we must shame ourselves to avoid mistakes.

Imagine if we treated our breath like this – constantly scrutinizing each inhale and exhale, fearing an error.

We'd be out of breath before long.

So, when we point the finger at ourselves, it's not solely about blame; it's about regaining control.

We hope that by pinning the blame on us, we can master the variables and finally escape the pitfalls.

In this peculiar way, self-blame attempts to grant us mastery over uncertainty. But in our quest for control, we lose sight of the bigger picture.

We overlook the idea that mistakes are needed to show us how we are growing.

Acceptance and kindness towards our possible mistakes can pave the way to betterment without the need for blame.

Out of the labyrinth of blame and shame

Remember, blaming oneself incessantly isn't a fortress; it's a labyrinth.

The walls built with self-blame and shame might seem like protection, but they're barriers that impede progress.

Recognize that self-growth isn't achieved by shouldering every fault.

Sometimes it may be your responsibility to certain actions, sometimes it's not.

It's definitely not your fault when others caused harm to you, so do not take responsibility for actions of others that hurt you.

Your consistent growth is nurtured through self-compassion, acceptance of our flaws, and the courage to learn from our missteps.

Release the chains of self-blame, embrace your journey, and flourish in the liberty of being imperfectly human.